Oh computer…
You think you are SO smart. You think you own me? Well, you don’t. I don’t care how hard you try to control my productivity, with your sudden crashes, your delight in showing me your spinning circle of indecision while you decide how long to make me suffer until you take me to the page I want to see. Oh yes, I know that you mock me. You and your partner in crime: Mr. Evil Bloated Printer.
Yes, let’s talk about your accomplice. That poor excuse for a printer. And I might add – and I don’t care how insulting it is — the printer is fat, and not in the good, urban dictionary, kind of way either. Your sidekick has eaten so much paper and cardstock over the past few years. And what did it get him? Nothing but more coughing and hacking – loudly, I might add. But did the printer ever learn? No. He just kept coughing. And he never covered his mouth.
But have I learned? Oh yyyyeeeeeeeeeeesssssss! [said in my most maniacal way possible, whilst clasping my hands together in utter joy]
I’m done being at your mercy, oh dearest computer. And I’m done being a paper waitress for that bloated printer too. (Not to mention, my husband is sick of hearing my outbursts throughout each day and evening as you mess with me.)
You think I’m powerless? Do you? Well… The. Joke. Is. On. You. Because you just crashed your final crash on me this morning!
I’ve got a new laptop and a new printer. Uh-huh. You two are being replaced. You have crashed your last party. Chew on that for awhile Mr. Paper-Guzzling Printer, you and your gluttonous ways are done. Your crash (pun intended, oh yes) …. where was I? Oh yes… Your crash diet begins today! Hah! You’re my b*tch now. And you will continue to scan for me, but that. is. it. We are SO over.
And I am Z snapping all over the place right now!
With no love whatsoever,
~Laura
And to my readers: Yes, I may have gone a bit crazy today and decorated my printer with red glitter ears and such, but it felt soooooooo good. 😉
Jennifer says
January 24, 2013 at 10:37 pmMy printer bit the dust awhile back. Perhaps they were related. Kudos on the new gear!
Laura / The Shed, Pet Scribbles, Socks for Sandy says
January 25, 2013 at 2:02 amHah! Yes I do think that all those evil printers are part of some evil printer tribe. LOL
Amy* says
January 25, 2013 at 6:37 pmPffft! Curse you rainbow wheel…Curse you! As much as I love rainbows that dreaded wheel makes me see nothing but RED! Glad you got a new printer and laptop…we should have an “Office Space” party and show those bloated, card stock gobbling printers who’s boss! Live google hangout perhaps? I can run an extension to the back yard 🙂
Z snapping and Maniacally laughing all the way!
Amy*
Laura / The Shed, Pet Scribbles, Socks for Sandy says
January 25, 2013 at 9:09 pmHahahaha!!! Yes, a live Google hangout would be hilarious! Can you imagine?? I sure can! LOL I’m still laughing at your mention of “printer shaming” too! *snap* *snap* * snap*
Anne says
January 25, 2013 at 10:55 pmI can totally relate LOL!
xx
Anne
Laura / The Shed, Pet Scribbles, Socks for Sandy says
January 26, 2013 at 1:12 amSo glad I’m not alone, Anne! As long as there’s more of us than of the evil computers, I think we will be OK! Hah!
Suzy Myers says
January 26, 2013 at 2:43 amI threaten my computer and printer daily. Maybe I should let them read your post…
suzy
Laura / The Shed, Pet Scribbles, Socks for Sandy says
January 26, 2013 at 3:38 pmLOL And that’s just the thing, Suzy: I believe they CAN read, they CAN hear, and they can totally understand what we are saying to them. We must be on our toes at all times. 😉 Hah!
Jenn "Rook No. 17" says
January 26, 2013 at 8:37 pmAbsolutely LOL hilarious, Laura! I love the way you called out those two naughty pieces of electronics. Good riddance to them. Hope the new ones treat you much better!
Jenn
Laura / The Shed, Pet Scribbles, Socks for Sandy says
January 27, 2013 at 12:59 am:)) Thanks Jenn! It had to be done. And already, the new ones are treating me the way every woman – every blogger – deserves to be treated! A functional relationship with my electronics! 🙂